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- TeamUfa
- We are a team of people trying to reach people in Ufa and Bashkortostan in Russia. It is no small task and we want your support!
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Monday, May 11, 2015
It’s Not About How I Feel
1:03 AM | Posted by
TeamUfa
The past two weeks have been a whirlwind. Last week I was able to spend the week in London with friends. This week I’m back and going to classes again. London just felt like a time of restoration. I was able to spend time with some good friends from my university and talk about our ministries and just reminisce. Even getting lost in the city was fun—there’s so much history and so much to see that every corner you turn is a new adventure.
I’ll admit that it wasn’t easy coming back—I had a little less than a month left here when I flew out to London, and spending a week in an English speaking country only made it that much harder to return. (I accidentally forgot that most people don’t speak English here and I started to order in English while at a café. The poor waitress looked so confused.)
The Father is teaching me a lot. Ministry is hard. It’s really difficult. I have a lot of respect for people in full-time ministry, and I’m so grateful for the people I work alongside here. They’re just normal people following the call of God on their lives and that is a beautiful thing to see. Truthfully, I’m having trouble focusing on the work still to be done here instead of looking ahead to going home in three weeks. It’s hard to think about language homework and not what I need to pack or buy before I go home. It’s even more difficult to not think about what is going on back home while I’m still here. My little sister graduated from UCF last night and my best friend gets married next week. Missing events like these breaks my heart. I still want to be involved in life here, but missing important events for the people I love doesn’t make it easy.
Also, I am missing the Florida sunshine. I complain about the heat while I’m living in it, but oh my word do I miss it when I’m gone. It’s hard to want to go anywhere when it’s cold, windy, and dark. I’m fighting to not base my motivation on outside circumstances, but some days that easier than others. I want my time here to end well, and right now that means forcing myself to get out of bed and walk to class even on days when the weather is awful and I would rather stay home. I realize a little more every day that what I’m called to do isn’t really about me. It’s not about how I feel, it’s about more than that and something bigger than me. And that’s a difficult realization, but in a way, it’s also a really good one. God is bigger than my feelings or my (constant) failures, and in spite of how I feel or what I’m capable of, He is more. He gives grace and He gives strength and I trust Him.
Jennifer G.
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