I’d like to share some things I’m learning during my time here, but it’s difficult to pinpoint one thing I’ve learned so far, firstly, because I’ve only been here a week. Secondly, because I’m learning a lot of little things along the way, as I do daily life, rather than one unmistakable revelation. Truthfully, I used to think I was humble until I had to rely on another person to help me order my coffee at a coffee shop, or get on a tram, or tell the lady behind the counter that I wanted the nail polish on the left, not the right. As someone who rejoices in her independence, it’s difficult to not feel helpless when I can’t ask the bus driver for change or realize that I have absolutely no control over when I start classes, or that I can’t read street signs when I get lost. I can’t communicate with anybody except fellow English speakers and I feel very strongly how much of an outsider—an alien—I really am when I’m just walking down the street or trying to communicate with the cashier at the grocery store.

A few nights ago, before I fell asleep, I had a “discussion” with God about how I felt like a foolish child even walking down the street because I couldn’t walk more than a few steps without slipping on ice (something this Florida girl is definitely not accustomed to). Then, the next day while waiting at a bus stop I watched a small child slip and fall, and then start playing in the snow and ice on the sidewalk. Her father saw, walked over, and encouraged her to get up. But she didn’t. And I knew why—because it’s easier to give up and stay on the ice than get up and try again only to fall down again a few feet later. Why bother? It’s embarrassing and infuriating to feel like you’re not getting anywhere. I watched her father pick her up multiple times only to watch her refuse to go any further and sit back down on the ice. Yet, her father never yelled, never grew impatient, just kept picking her up, and finally, held her hand and walked alongside her as he led her home. I didn’t understand that picture until later on that day when I read Isaiah 41:13, which says “For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'Fear not, I am the one who helps you.' "  I am that small child and my heavenly Father is holding my hand. I would rather play where I’ve fallen than listen to my Father’s voice and move on to better things.

There are days when it’s a lot harder to understand why I’m really here. I was reminded of the Lord’s compassion the other day as a friend of mine and I were walking around our neighborhood prayer walking and playing in the snow…the more I walked past people and experienced true snowfall for the first time, the more I kept hearing Isaiah 1:18 playing in my head: “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow….” White as snow. Oddly enough, the first comment I made to my teammate when we stepped outside of our building was “It looks so clean.” The falling snow completely covered the dirt, grime, and trash in the streets and transformed filth to purity. It was stunning. And somehow it all made sense to me. That is why I’m here; to love people and tell them that the Lord wants to reason with them and make their darkness as pure as fresh-fallen snow. Not only does He want to take their impurities and cleanse them, He’s the only one who can. I am astounded over and over again by God’s compassion and His mercy, and I’m learning to feel that for these people. I’m learning to let compassion trump my fears, and love cover my failures, and somehow that’s enough. Because once I was filthy and someone washed me clean—and how could I not share the best thing that’s ever happened to me?

Jennifer G.